Monday, October 31, 2011

Our 31st Quiet Night

My mother liked to say I was part of the counter culture going left in a right leaning world just to be odd. I would cock my head and stare at her. I am always going my own way usually forward into bold new territory. I do not just go along to get along. At the same time I do not want to do things just for the sake of not being normal. 

It has been my choice to opt out of Halloween. If my daughter were younger I am thinking we would have planned something fun to do at home. The weekend and month have been a little stressful it would have been nice to host some friends for fun. I have started giving her money to buy things for herself so the most important thing was a costume. She wanted to be a Pirate Chick but found a French maid meets Strawberry short cake outfit instead. Then we had to buy crazy shoes to match the vision she had for it all. The good news is they fit me should I need costume high white platform heels. You just never know about these things. Hahahahaha

I do not support the idea of this holiday. Still I am all about fellowship fun and community. My mother, who called this evening to fuss at me about how I am mothering, never wanted to do anything while the nation was celebrating. We did not want to totally miss out. 

Fall is a great time to serve cider or our home made special cocoa. Even the iced favored coffee I made for the dinner when the boyfriend was over would have been good. The bestie was here last night and today just like back then. Last night they dragged me back across the street to GoodWill to pull together an outfit for her. 

I forgot to snap photos. Hope they do not come home all wrecked. Daughters step sister was hosting a party and then door to door they planned to go. I might have to hide the stash but I decided to let her have this experience. It is a first. I never took her or made a big deal about getting dressed up. We had our fill, if there is any such thing in girl house world, of dress up and make up through the days. 

The good news is her schooling is back on track. Between that and the note I thought a special occasion with an outfit already bought warranted letting restriction up for a night and a half. We have all of next year to basically spend together. I asked her if she was cooking the Thanksgiving Turkey and did not get a straight answer.
I want to…yes wait for it I will say it…make some fruit cakes!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Cautiously Optimistic...

I love getting letters from my daughter. They are rare but ALWAYS great!

This week after the weekend fiasco our sleep schedules are all flipped around so we are actually going to bed before midnight. This means we are awakening with the dawn. It just feels so weird. lol Never the less it is an interesting adventure. Inadvertently one of us falls asleep before the other. I woke up one morning to a WONDERFUL response to my ranting screaming tirade. Whew

Just when you think you might have scarred them for life or that they are never going to get it. The caution however is that as mature as we know they are, they are still growing. It will not be over until it is over. The thing is I do really know this kid. Half the reason she has been allowed to get away with so much is because she is for the most part a great child to be raising. I can see all this potential in her. She has a lot of self determination. She just needs the right mix of freedom and external motivation. I might have found her currency with no phone, tv or sleep overs.

I did write back. I do not think she has ever asked that before. 

Dear Mom,

I am so sorry about the whole issue this weekend. And I am also sorry you had to repeat yourself about keeping you informed. I understand I was wrong. I know I've been slacking w/ the house/school work as well. I've been screwing off and not focusing lately, but if you hadn't noticed I've been (slowly, but surely) trying to do better w/ both. I'm already miserable w/o my phone, and it's only been 3 days..(miserable face) X[ Next time I will be more than sure that every detail is understood by both of us, so this NEVER happens again!... <3

I love you Mom, and I never meant to worry or infuriate you in the slightest.. To be honest I had no real purpose in it, I was just sort of along for the ride.. And I have OFFICIALLY learned not to take supplies or finances you leave for the house on my adventures...

I am really sorry Mom for everything.. I really don't like arguing w/ hurts me. This is the last time we will be talking about this. Have a good day at school and write back soon. 

Your (All Grown Up) Darling Daughter..

Love "Full Name" <3

Sunday, October 16, 2011


My daughter wanted to have a friend spend the night for her birthday. Things could not be worked out for that to happen.

This weekend the plan was for my daughter to go sleep over at the girls house instead. 

This is a friend from her step family life. Okay so yes this IS outside my comfort zone.

Then there was drama about the pick-up and drop off. Could my daughter just hitch a ride on the bus at least half way was some kind of last minute plan…. (We were car less)

Finally my daughter leaves and plans to be gone two days. Hours later I get a rather frantic call.

Mom…we decided to change our plans. 

We were going to spend the night with one of my step sisters. That went sour so we were headed to the sleep over friend’s house again.

The grown ups her almost 18 year old friend live with... had already made new/other weekend plans and could no longer host us… 

Frantically my daughter called her father who could not host them either. She was calling to ask if she and the friend could come back to my house. I agreed. 

When she arrived she was so mad she couldn’t really explain to me what had gone on. 

With some strange new young woman in my house from said other house hold I did not want to get into too much of a discussion. I was just glad the young women were in my home safe.

When my daughter finally calmed down more she explained a bit of the story. It is a crazy tale… The more I think about this the worse it sounds.

I wouldn’t be blogging about it EXCEPT where did my daughter spend the next night? There!!! 

I want to send her to boarding school. J/K Gramma would take her to Georgia.(Not kidding!) 

Young women are just too naive and forgiving at times. In her mind since I had given permission for her to spend the weekend with the other family one night is as good as two. 

She is in trouble with me starting at changing her plans on where she was staying without so much as  text or a phone message. 

Then there is the whole issue of heading off to the home of people who less than 24 hours before did not care if a 15 year old had a place to sleep for the night.

Maybe they thought since she was with her step sisters she was with parents or care takers. 

I know this sounds crazy to the authoritarian parents who think more like the parents I had growing up. I know it is a little crazy no matter who is reading. 

My vision is for the future.

Having learned her lessons at home, she can go off to college and work full time not thinking she is missing the youth social scene.

These are the days times and situation when my daughters behavior just confounds me!!! lol sigh 

I never spent the night at friends’ houses as a child. My mother thought…maybe I would end up like Cybil or that girl from the Exorcist I guess. 

If she had not known the parents for YEARS there was just NO WAY. 
My mother was too strict.

Sometimes I lean the total opposite way. Sometimes my daughter just goes off in left field. Eke!