Wednesday, August 8, 2012

A Solution Idea

So after a protracted blow up a new idea has popped up.
I know my daughter and I know what she is capable of. I know she has some challenges. Still here we are.

I would not say we fight. That is my daughters phraseology.
I know we disagree but I do not expect us to always think the same. Disagreement is fine with me as long as there is respect.
I have given my daughter a lot of room to live and breathe. 

Chores are minimal and the only other thing required of her is school.

When she goes off to visit friends she does and has done extensive housework. Because it was needed. Because she was asked. Without being asked.

In some ways she is like me. She rises to the level of the needs at the time.

So I asked her why she flat out ignored me when I mentioned she was slacking on her household duties.

Back pain and allergies she replied. I noticed that the bottom storage cabinet in the kitchen she used to keep organized and now is just a wreck.

The tub needed to be scrubbed and the bathroom rug needed to be shaken…

It hurts to bend and our bathroom has no window only a fan so cleaner fumes can build up.

Maybe if we worked on these things together. We do need to cultivate the time we spend together. 

What I have been doing is going downstairs to hang out. Sometimes I take the laptop. Most of the time I do not.
Her radio is always on. We laugh, talk, listen, sing, share. It seems to be working out well. I don’t criticize and she does not complain. 

The indoor out door neighbor cat has been enjoying more of our hospitality.

She does not want to wash dishes or clean the cat box. The last time she tried to vacuum her and the machine got into a tiff.
Still she wants to get a job and get busy out in the real world.

I asked her “What are you going to do about all these chores when you move out?” 

Disposable kitchen ware, microwaved meals and a bathroom with a window.

I guess that could work for a while. She is also talking about having roommates.  That has a way of self regulating.
For now I am more a roommate than a mom. I have executive authority but her will is fully established. 

She wants to get a job and do no chores. How about paying rent? Just enough to cover I don’t even know what since it is not really about money or chores.

The funny thing is this desperate idea about going to work started at the beginning of the year when we could not get financing but needed to buy a car.

She suddenly was not content to just be a dependent. I was not thinking she needed to go out and start working so soon. It never occurred to me to charge her rent when our commitment was to share household duties.

Merry Maids here we come.


  1. Living there and doing no chores is a fantasy. Living anywhere with no chores is a fantasy. When she grows up, she will realize that everyone has messes to clean up. Everyone has housework to take care of. If they don't, then they have roaches. And THEN the cleanup job is much, much more involved and costly.

    My son was living in a trailer with a friend. The trailer was dirty and roach infested. Couldn't have girls over in that. Suddenly, he's cleaning. Then the friend who owns the trailer moved out. Couldn't take the disaster, I imagine. Then the power went out. That's when the call came: Mom, can I come stay with you?

    You better believe he isn't staying here as a guest. He is responsible for his share of cooking, cleaning, and yardwork. And if he has money, he's chips in on groceries. when he was a teen, he wanted to be treated like a guest in our home. Now he is a little more mature. A family is a team, and if we don't work together, we all lose in the end.

    1. Oh she is a teen and what do I know? lol Sigh

      Today she put away the dishes (upper not lower as I put those away) without being asked.

      Communication. We need to work on that as usual. I did come up with a figure however.

      $5 a day for the future if it comes to that.