Sunday, June 17, 2012

Ms. Sensitive

My daughter had her first, to me, recognizable mood swing the morning she turned 9. 

A hilarious story for another day.
What it really did for me was say “this kid has been affected by mood swings her whole life”. 

Remember I mentioned in the baby story she went from pale to beet red during her first bath in the hospital annoyed at the treatment for whatever reasons.

She was not a difficult baby but once she hit about 18 months OH LOOK OUT. She was not bad but she was demanding. I was determined to raise her unlike how I was raised. She was determined to push my limits and go to the edge of all of hers.

It has been a whirl wind. Something that I never expected is that she cried and cries a lot. I only cried when I got really scared as a very young child usually because I had done something wrong or because I had been spanked.

She cries if I fuss at her in the wrong tone or say the wrong things.

Sometimes I see it as just her nature. 

Sometimes I try to catch myself because I see she is really being hurt more than simply chastised. Other times I know I am hitting a nerve and that is the purpose.

I love that she has a heart for others and is in touch with her own for her own sake. 

I wish she were not prone to put up a wall when I try to tell her something is or has gone wrong with her behavior. 

I parent with my life long intention on the front side. The things I demand of her or reprimand her for are not about my comfort in the moment. I look at her life now and see the future she can create with the right thoughts and actions. 

More and more every day I see the young woman she has become. She has a fiercely independent streak much like both her father and I. 

She can be bold and assertive. She is fiercely loyal and will defend those she loves to the death. 

I don’t call her or see her as a cry baby. She is just sensitive. 

I think tears are healthy. I wonder if hers come from those deep early wounds that never quite healed. 

Parts of her will always be unique to her. She has suffered more loss or perceived more loss in her shorter in this moment life time than I.

My hope is that as she continues to grow and mature she will realize the value and potential of what she has been given and able to hold on to all this time. 

"Mom can I see a therapist or a counselor?" she asked me.

It broke my heart. That is crazy since I run around saying the world needs therapy. 

It hurt to think she might be thinking there are secrets I have not told her. In truth I realized she was saying:

A) She has her own secrets and 

B) She needs all the support she can get at this phase in her life.

I have always been open to that. More wise people surrounding her will always be an investment to bank upon.

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